Educating Pet Parents: Compassion Over Criticism
Thousands of people get new pets every day. Many are inexperienced, did not research, and may have impulse bought. They are likely making a lot of harmful mistakes, which are glaring at seasoned owners, who spot them at a glance. Unfortunately, while meaning well, being too blunt or abrasive towards new owners often pushes them away from learning proper care techniques. So, it is better to put compassion over criticism.
We All Start Somewhere
Looking back, I know the only thing I can do now is better. I can not fix my past mistakes, but I can make sure all the pets I have now and in the future get the best care I can give. And I can help others learn how to do the same. But if someone were mean to me about my mistakes, I would have shut down and stopped listening to them. I learned that is neglect, but used to think it was okay. I did not know rabbits were social, needed 24 hour access to hay, and much more space than he had.
Finding True North
Compliments
Compliment what they are doing right. Even if it’s not entirely correct, point out the right part. This validation can motivate them to improve by increasing their openness to guidance. Do you remember a time when you won a competition and felt exceptional? Your coach praised and celebrated with you, then showed how to do even better next time! You remember the advice better and try harder than if you lost and had to grind for improvement. Validation also fosters a sense of belonging and connection.
Talk about how cute/adorable their pet is! This helps keep a positive tone, even over text, and softens any blows the person might feel from realizing they have a lot to learn and are making mistakes.
Resources
Offer resources on improving care, like websites you trust, so they can do their own research. Also, make actionable suggestions on improvements. Instead of only pointing out what they’re doing wrong, provide tips on how to improve. This can come as larger or more appropriate cage recommendations, how to fit a new habit into a routine, or where to get bedding or food.
Consent Is Key
To help them be more open, ask if they would like some pointers before offering advice. This way, they have a choice to consent to or refuse. If they don’t want help, they’ll just be argumentative and closed off. However, just because they’re not willing to listen now doesn’t mean they won’t be later. Perhaps they just need time.
Putting It Together
These techniques do even better when combined. Here is a sentence format to try:
“Aweee Milo is adorable! He really loves that hay. Have you thought about switching from corn cob bedding to aspen or pine? I’ve heard corn cobs can build up a lot of harmful bacteria over time, which can cause health issues.”
By starting with a compliment, you’re offering positive reinforcement and validation. This makes the new pet owner feel good about their pet and their current efforts, fostering a sense of pride and accomplishment and acknowledging they’re doing something right. The next sentence shows the suggestion phrased as a question. This is a non-confrontational approach, which makes the pet owner more receptive because it feels like a casual conversation instead of a critique. Following up with a casual concern shows you worry and care for the wellbeing of their new pet without seeming judgemental. Asking a question in a caring tone encourages productive conversation and a willingness to change.
Words Are Powerful
The power of two words can be surprising, but you might not expect those words to be, “I’ve heard.” This little powerhouse softens the assertion, making it sound less definitive and more like you’re sharing information, which is more open to talk about. By creating an opening for discussion, you’re making room for many more educational opportunities. And not just from yourself, but from the sources you found the info. It also can feel less authoritative by implying you’re sharing from experience or a place you found somewhere, and gives them room to make their own opinions through critical thinking. Other forms of “I’ve heard” are:
- “I’ve read that…”
- "Some people say..."
- “From what I understand…”
- “A common recommendation is…”
- “One common belief is…”
Take It Easy
Don’t immediately go heavy on the consequences of not doing the right thing. Making them feel bad or guilty so early into pet ownership is more likely to make the person shut down than listen. A casual mention of health issues is more easy to take than, “Corn cobs can build up a lot of harmful bacteria, which can cause respiratory infections. That can kill your bunny if not caught and treated fast enough at a vet.” If they don’t listen after mentioning it, or they ask about health issues, you can elaborate.
Empathize
Remember, they are new and not doing anything wrong on purpose. Chances are they are not financially prepared, because they probably don’t know how much getting a new pet can cost. If they understand they don’t know much about pet care, focus on the most important things first. Be willing to compromise short term on the less important things. Make sure the advice you give isn’t something that will cost them more money later to get to proper care standards, unless it has to be that way.
Why Should They Trust You?
An important part of helping new pet owners learn is to establish credibility and trust. If your tone comes across as mean, judgemental, or accusing, they will go on the defense and be less likely to trust you or listen to what you have to say. A good way to establish credibility is to back up what you say with scientific studies when possible. Create a google document archive of easily accessible scientific study links (preferably no pay walls between you and the info) or be prepared to take screenshots to share. If you take screenshots, also copy the name of the study and other information, so they can also look it up if they want to.
Compassion Wins
In the world of pets, compassion wins. Every pet expert started somewhere, learning through mistakes and research. Offering gentle guidance by being mindful of tone, trying to stay uplifting, and building trust allows us to grow a responsible pet lover community. Remember, new pet owners might not be aware of the challenges ahead, so prioritize important care aspects and use credible sources to back up your word. By doing these, we can help create a supportive environment where every pet and their owner can thrive.
References
Bodega Bay Veterinary Hospital: The Curse Of Confirmation Bias http://www.bodegabayveterinary.com/published-articles/2016/3/1/the-curse-of-confirmation-bias/
Nickerson, R.S. (1998). Confirmation Bias: A Ubiquitous Phenomenon in Many Guises. Review of General Psychology, 2, 175 – 220. https://doi.org/10.1037/1089-2680.2.2.175 Free PDF: https://pages.ucsd.edu/~mckenzie/nickersonConfirmationBias.pdf
The author’s personal care experience and advising experience were also used in reference.
